A smackdown
I took it in silence from the psychiatrist today. I've not had reason to take issue with her before, but today--suddenly she seemed to have it all wrong. First she insinuated that the reason I missed my VoRehab appointment on Friday was not because, as I had mentioned, I misunderstood what day the appointment was, but because I secretly wanted to sabotage myself. I agree that self-sabotage has been a habit of mine in years past--big-time--but the day I recognised that was a habit of mine was the day I turned away from it, and that was before I started seeing this doctor. Since beginning to seek help from VoRehab I have done nothing but what they wanted me to do; this insinuation is something I take as a personal insult, a character statement.
But that was nothing compared to our exchange on birth control. It is, and rightly so, her opinion that having another baby would be the worst possible thing I could do; so she therefore asked me if I was using birth control. I said no. I would have said I was using NFP, but, well, don't ask, don't tell. Anyway, she asked me why I not. I said, "I can't." Said she: "Why not?" I squirmed. How could she not
know? "I
can't." "Because--?" More faces and squirming. "Because I'm
not supposed to."
She was shocked. Really, shocked. You mean you're actually going to
follow the rules of this religion you're converting to?? Well, yeah, that's kind of the point. She didn't have to agree with me. She didn't have to say, "Well, ok, then!" What she should have said was, "If you have scrupulousity over disobeying this rule, I would suggest you go to the priest and talk with him over what to do." Did she say that? Nope. Instead she starting explaining my religion to me! The Pope, she said, was wrong when he made that rule (a fundamental misunderstanding of the history of birth control and religion, there). They keep changing the rules anyway (a basic misunderstanding of doctrine here). The Pope doesn't have a pipeline to God, you know, and the priests aren't married so what do they know (when it comes to sexual control, more than us, actually). The Greek Orthodox Church, if you ask her, got it right on being closest to the essentials anyway and they don't have that rule (misunderstanding of history and wrong anyway). Besides, more than likely the next Pope would change that rule anyway, and she wouldn't be surprised if we even got women priests soon (neither will happen). And anyway, there's no difference between the Pill and only having sex at infertile times, since both are meant to prevent pregnancy (don't EVEN get me started on the huge difference; besides, the point of the contraception dogma is not because the Church thinks women should not prevent pregnancy).
You don't have to agree with me. You don't have to think the Church is right. What you do have to do is respect that
I believe it, and not try to "set me straight." That's not the point of going to therapy. And so I said nothing; was I going to get into a religious debate? Was I going to try to explain the mechanics of NFP to her? No, it wasn't appropriate to do so. I just wish
she had felt that way.
Labels: dogma, nfp
An email from a friend
I was careless, and mentioned in an email to a "friend" that I had a website. He asked me what it was. How could I say I didn't want anyone in real life to visit? I gave him the address, with a warning:
This isn't for abusing. I hoped he wouldn't bother. He did. I'm highly uncomfortable knowing he was poking around it, even though I'm careful about not speaking in detail about particular subjects I don't think belong in a public forum. The fact is,
he was there. I can't feel safe there any longer, and that makes me angry.
I could say forget it and go right on saying whatever I want to say on it, under the assumption that he has no reason to return, right? Right.
After his visit he sent me an email informing me that he was
now more sure than ever that my conversion to Catholicism was due to a psychological preference. What does he know? What kind of shallow does he think I am? And did it ever occur to him that Catholicism offers me psychological healing because
it's truly the church? and that the church I grew up in is not and therefore could never offer me the healing I need? No, of course not. Besides, I know good and well that he doesn't
really care about whether or not I go to hell (and he of course thinks I am, being Catholic and all). He only has one thing in mind:
Proving me wrong.
And after sending me that email, he had the gall to send my husband an email with a link to an essay by the nototorious James White on what to do when one's spouse is insistent on converting to the quasi-pagan Catholic faith.
Unbelievable.
Labels: conversion
