Rite of Acceptance
yesterday, at the conclusion of a very long and distressing day, we had the rite of acceptance. it managed to be a good experience because the kids were downstairs in the nursery.
we sat on the very first row; from there i noted the following things. first, how much like a protestant church our church is. spacewise, i mean. there's no transept, no apse, no altar rail. an entirely uninspiring podium and what renee calls "the flying jesus" hanging in the air above the altar. that close i was able to see that the eyes were rather staring and discomfiting. also, it was blazing hot up there. but during the actual liturgy of the eucharist, i could see the entire process, which i never have been able to before, seated as we usually are on the very back row, and to watch the mystery unfolding before my eyes was to sense the ecstasy of saints blessed to know these things. how very glorious the sacrament is, and what it reveals to us!
but i'm ahead of myself; after the homily father announced the rite, and our names were called. we proceeded up into the sanctuary (and i was so nervous i only now realize that i walked past the tabernacle without bowing!! i was that close to the body of christ and didn't even know it!) and formed a semicircle. father asked us as a group what we asked of the church, and we responded "faith." what will faith give, he asked, and we said, "hope." and then one by one we were marked with the sign of the cross on the forehead.
lily, across from me, grinned with such joy that i caught some of it, and i thought, this is only a small taste of what's to come at easter. and i was happy on her behalf that she was so excited! it was the sort of comfort only i require, that only if i know other people are excited, can i feel good about my own happiness.
and i can't help but hope he believes, too; he has told me that if we weren't married he wouldn't even bother going to church any longer. he's so hard-hearted and cynical. i am, i suppose, the only reason he doesn't give in to it entirely. and i must wonder, why am i the one who still has hope?
Labels: conversion
